Wednesday, January 02, 2008: Wished that the New Year starts on a pleasant note and I am to remain in my form. Actually it didn’t happen that way and I felt somewhat badly disturbed more than yesterday today. Problems being the routine ones only but as it happens with me very often I lose my grips on facing them which results into causing me discomfort, the discomfort and lack of ease I just experience. I am for avoiding tranquilisers but what actually happens is to resort to them often for days together as a measure to opt for a lesser evil as against the worst ones in the form of tremendous strain and tension. Only the other day I was taken to hospital by my son for an urgent checkup.
Despondency overtakes me which factor I do resist as I am never for giving up but human faculties after all have a limit. Possibly I am too tired and consumed. My daughter Bachhey who has been suffering from a slow growth syndrome right from her birth is a perpetual cause of concern that hounds me all the time. After my wife and her mother Shashi was no more, mine had to be a role not only as her father but her mother too. She has now grown to adulthood, she relishes talking on love themes with others in relations circle without knowing what it is all about. She very often asks me for my mobile to talk, I can’t afford disappointing her. I am leaving no stone unturned to find out some match for her which is ofcourse not only too difficult a task but possibility wise so remote in view of her physical deficiency on account of retarded growth. Since I don’t believe that there could be some God or a Goddess to help me, I have no phenomenon available to me to share the onerous tension and a killing sort of strain I have to undergo on this count.
I have opted to share this extract from MyDiary with my readers with the temptation that some one out of them could possibly extend me some help in securing some matching partner for my daughter whom I love most on this earth.